Key & Peele - Rapper's Confession

First things first, I do not care that you're a multi-platinum selling rapper, Gun Rack.

What I care about is that I 100% know that you murdered Darnell Simmons. So you better start talking.

Yeah, but you ain't got nothing.

Ok.

You know, actually, I'm very glad that you said that.

Because respectfully,

I beg to differ.

I killed Darnell, yeah, I shot him with my nine. I shot him nine times, 9 PM on the dime.

And by the way, it was November ninth.

That don't mean nothing.

I got a vivid imagination.

*Snort*

I couldn't have shot Darnell.

I was at my cousin's birthday party.

Red Lobster, November 9th.

At Red Lobster?

Mm-hmm.

Jeez, I gotta tell you, Gun-Rack, I find that really hard to believe.

I got an alibi, birthday Red Lobster, when in reality I shot Darnell like a -

Mobster. It's a lie. Anyone could tell this if you know about my allergy to all shellfish.

Just confess, Gun-rack.

I confess that shellfish is the only thing that rhymes with, tell this.

It's just words.

Detective.

Nouns, adjectives,

they just happen to be in, a dope order.

But

We ain't got no proof.

Shot up, Darnell, with a long-ass gun and tossed it into the aquarium.

I have no idea what that object is.

If I had to identify it, I would call it a gun.

of the long ass variety. Some seaweed in there too. Look, that's right there.

Look, Detective

I hate to break it to you.

I ain't killin' no one. It's...

I stroke my chin real slow and I'm lyin'. And I was laughing super hard as Darnell was dyin'.

The name of the album is, I Killed Darnell Simmons!

It's a concept album.

A concept!?

That's a picture of you. A picture of you.

And behind you is Darnell Simmons' body.

Why is it that?

You're going away for a long time, you understand? You're going to confess if it's the last thing you ever do. You hear me? Gunrack!

I'll beat it out of you! I'll beat it out of you! I'll beat it out of you!

Joe! Joe!

He's free to go.

What? No.

Wait no, no, no, no.

We have everything we need.

No, it was Simmons' girlfriend. She just confessed to the whole thing.

Infidelity, crime, and passion.

Let's go, Mr. Rack.

Bonus track, bonus track I gotta ride or die, bitch I think you get the gist

And when you let me out, I'm gonna blow a little kiss. This is my confession. Admissible in court.

I killed Darnell Simmons for sport.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. That's right. I'm a murderer. Come get me. Come down the hall. You can get me.

OK, OK, OK. You got me. You got me. Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. Damn, damn, damn, too. Ow, ow.